you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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