I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
