Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
