Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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