I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
