Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
