I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
