when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
