I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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