ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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