so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
