I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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