My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
