This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
