Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
