i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
