Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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