ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
