so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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