Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
