I just saw a hot homeless man
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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