Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i think my cat just said my name.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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