we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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