I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
