Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
