P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
