I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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