I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
