fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
