he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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