been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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