i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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