I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i think i just lost a toe
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
