Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
