I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
