2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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