I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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