I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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