Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
