so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
