Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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