Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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