Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Everything about him screamed your future.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
