at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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