My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
