No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
