you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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