The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
