Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable

(818): View more from California

Freshman in high school? Just your type

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(214): View more from Texas

Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.

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(786): View more from Florida

Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

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(974): View more from

You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.

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(770): View more from Georgia

i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

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(630): View more from Illinois

all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

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(702): View more from Nevada

we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.

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(323): View more from California

Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips

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