just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
