The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And then he peed in my hair
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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